What Women Want…Probably

I know what you’re thinking. I do. You saw the title of this post, and now you think I’m an idiot for even attempting to write about a subject so difficult to address and/or be murdered for. And you know what? You’re right. I may get death threats over this one. But…it’ll be worth it. Why? Because my lonely brothers need assistance; they need some help. So maybe I’m not college educated, and maybe I live in a van down by the river, but I do know just a teeny tiny bit about the females and their ways. This is an attempt at that.

Last week, I wrote a post detailing how a guy acts—or doesn’t—when he likes a girl. Now, I’m attempting the opposite. Behold, in all its tragic glory, I present to you, “Cory Copeland’s Guide to the Female Mind”. Note: if any females would like to send me death threats after reading this, please do so by directing them to my Twitter account here.

Now…let us begin. Hold on tight. It’s gonna be a really bumpy ride.

If she does…find a way to contact you almost every day.
Did you notice the key word in that sentence? “Almost”. Why? Because females—in all their wonderful glory—are tricky little pixies. She may like you and she may want to be with you, but dang it all if she’s going to be the one to make it happen, son. So yes, she may send you a text message here and there, and she may call you out of the blue, but she isn’t like you. She actually knows what she’s doing (sometimes). It won’t be easy to discern immediately, but if she’s contacting you on a semi-regular basis, it could mean she’s at least interested in the possibility of you. Yes, that sentence confused me as much as it confused you. We are talking about females after all. Moving on…

If she doesn’t…miss an opportunity to see you.
I like to think girls are at least a little bit like us. If you’re a guy and you’re digging a femanita, you want to see them, right? So it makes sense that females would be the same way. But then again…we’re discussing girls here, so who really knows? Let’s just assume that if she likes you, she’s going to find a way to be around you. She’ll come to your church, or she’ll “accidentally” run in to you at your job working as Santa’s elf, or she’ll come see your Pussy Cat Dolls cover band play a set at the local coffee shop (if she does all of these in succession, you may just have a stalker on your hands so…….). If she’s interested, she’s going to want you to know she’s interested and that means making sure you see her pretty little face. Remember when Rachel flew TO ENGLAND to ruin be at Ross’ wedding? It’s pretty much like that. I’m also pretty sure you can trust this one…maybe.

If she does…laugh at all of your jokes.
Look, we’re guys. We think we’re the funniest thing since Chandler Bing, but we’re not. So if she makes you feel really funny by laughing at all of your jokes, there’s a chance she’s doing that because she likes you and wants you to feel good about yourself (See? She’s a giver). So if she’s laughing her pretty little head off, then either you should be on Def Comedy Jam or she’s got her eye on you. Either way, you are winning in ways Charlie Sheen never imagined.

If she doesn’t…mind doing things for you.
I think it’s pretty well known that women are givers. Givers of dirty looks, givers of verbal molestation etc., but they are also just givers period. So if she does things for you every now and then, don’t read too much in to it. But if she’s finding ways to give you really great things that she knows you’re interested in or will like, or doing things for you that make you take notice, then it’s safe to assume that she has designs on you (Read: to make you her little whipping boy and/or man slave).

If she does…talk about you with her girlfriends.
It’s no secret that women talk…a lot. So if she’s picking up the beats you’re laying down (how cool am I, really?), then she’s going to be yapping away to her girlfriends about you. And because women are NOTORIOUS gossipers, it’s likely that one of her good friends will “let it slip” that she likes you. Do not discount this. Take it as a good sign. (This paragraph may just get me murdered by a herd group of women). It’s kind of like when Ariel gushed about Prince Eric to that bird and little crab dude. Actually, it’s just like that.

Okay, fellas, that’s all the “helpful” hints I’ve got for now. Hopefully you can use these guidelines to make that sweet little lass who’s stalking you around the mall all your own. If not, that’s what you get for listening to a guy who has proudly seen every single episode of Friends, and counts Dr. Ross Gellar as one of his personal heroes.

(Follow me on Twitter here! As always, thank you so much for reading. You guys are the awesomest of the awesome)

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