Tips on How to Get a Boyfriend

Every now and then, we each need a little help in the romance department. However, considering that I have never actually had a boyfriend of my own, I can simply relay to you what the majority of men like, and hope you take it somewhat serious. I mean, guys are fairly easily impressed. You’re already a woman; the work’s basically done for you!

Now, as we’ve discussed, I’m painfully, brutally, couldn’t-get-a-date-at-a-women’s-prison single, and probably will be for the foreseeable future. But that does NOT discount me from being able to share my learned wisdom on what guys like, so ladies like yourself can benefit from my somewhat specific skill set. (You’re welcome, btw!) After all, I am a dude and that’s what you’re trying to hunt dow—er, captur—um, get, right? Therefore, I present to you, “Cory Copeland’s Tips on How to Get a Boyfriend”. Follow these nuggets of knowledge and you’ll be overrun with good-looking fella’s just itching (the non-STD way) to take you out, and make you their proverbial woman. Now listen and learn:

Do…keep it classy
Read the title of this one again. Classy is not relative or debatable. A classy young lady is not one who dances on table tops, nor does she dress so that her bra and/or panty size is easily assumed. Here’s the thing to remember: you want a good guy, right—one that will treat you respectfully? Well, dressing like a ho-ho is going to turn away any Dr. McDreamy who’s looking for a nice girl to treat well. Try a full clothed approach with a dash of self-confidence instead. IT…DOES…WONDERS. Trust me.

Don’t…hide your personality
This seems easier said than done—especially for females. You may be the funniest, most clever girl that ever lived, but if you bury that wonderful wit to nab a man, then you’re going to have to keep up that charade. Better to be yourself from the start and let that handsome man fall for the girl you are, not the one you could be. You want him to like you, not the version of you doing your best Kristen Stewart impression. (God, I hate her so hard.)

Do…say what you mean, mean what you say
Look, I understand that you’re women. You’re more highly evolved than we men are. I promise you that we understand that. So why feel the need to make us guess at your meaning or not be completely honest when it comes to how you feel about us. We’re not smart enough for that! It’s unfair! Be open and honest about how you’re feeling –good and bad—and that Taylor Lautner look alike is more likely to do the same with you. If you don’t, that means we have to try to assume, and you know what assuming makes us? Idiots. It makes us big, fat idiots. So be upfront, and everybody wins!

Don’t…do anything you don’t want to
You’re in charge here. Plain and simple. Don’t like the boy that asked you out? Don’t say yes. Don’t feel like kissing too soon? DON’T! You’re in charge from beginning to end, so there’s no reason you should be in an uncomfortable situation. Don’t like where things are headed? End it pronto like Tonto. You’ll be happier in the long run, and though he sets fire to your pictures and blocks you on Twitter, he’ll be happier as well. A guy respects a girl who can be direct and give it to him straight…even if it makes him cry the tears of a CareBear.

Do…go for what you want
Again, easier said than done. And though it takes courage, you’ll also feel proud of yourself in the end. Interested in a boy for all the right reasons and he maybe, possibly, might could fall for you? Make it happen! Let him know you’re interested. Flirt your little booty off. Don’t leave any doubt. Let him know that he would be an absolute idiot not to ask you out because you are amazing, and funny, and pretty, and you totally have the sweetest Pinterest of all your friends. How could he not see the potential? But most of all, don’t settle. You know what you want, and what will make you happy. Go for that and nothing less.

Anyway, ladies…that’s all I’ve got for now. Follow these tips, and you may just land yourself that cute boy who’s been making those creepy but cute eyes at you the last few days. If not, that’s what you get for listening to guy who considers “You’ve Got Mail” to be the best rom-com of the last twenty years. So…

(Follow me on the Twitter here. Thanks for reading, you guys! If you have any questions, email me at Cory.Copeland@gmail.com)